I have absolutely no idea what happened in Transformers 3: Dark of the Moon.
For a lack of a better phrase, that’s exactly how I describe watching Bay’s hopefully last installment in this franchise. It’s not to say the man didn’t do a serviceable job giving us a live-action experience of toys you may or may not have grown up to. It was just so evidently clear to me that he’s tired of making these movies. The lack of pacing, cohesiveness and just general ‘make a tangible bit of sense’ wasn’t in the final movie and it was disappointing simply because that’s how this trilogy ends. I can’t even rate which is better like many have already. I think all the Transformers movies are equally bad, equally good, equally memorable and terrible in their own rights. I view them as an entirety and you basically watch them in parts. It’s one complete story or events within this franchise. Because the story itself isn’t necessary overarching, it’s just the characters who appear which are.
Bay has a niche of being able to present you something so bad it’s good. That’s the Bad Boys franchise. This third movie is terrible, it’s not a good movie, but it’s not the worst movie I’ve seen. It’s just so expected. Beware spoilers as I type on.
Everything is predictable and the more I think about the film the more I see plot holes and glaring mistakes. The movie is 2 hours and 30 minutes long, it is not short by any means yet it definitely felt with the transitions it could’ve warranted being longer. We’re still treated to too much human characters, to which even new characters are introduced who serve nothing but to provide plot devices or comedy. Simmons is comic relief again, but I have to say I do enjoy his character. But a lot of his involvement in this third film seems regulated to a simple plot device when any other character could have done it as well. Finding the Russian cosmonauts with Sam and confronting them, after that his role is just on screen appearances and a couple of lines and then the ending itself. Him talking to the camera after laying a kiss on Francis McDormand. That is the last image we see. That’s how Michael Bay’s Transformers actually ends. Then you have Ken Jeong being Ken Jeong except a bit more paranoid. Then John Malkovich who I thought would have a more pivotal role was nothing more than comic relief again. I figured his company would have some type of involvement, much like a Cyberdyne influence. Instead we see that in Patrick Dempsey and his link as the Decepticon’s liason and eventual link to Sam’s new girlfriend Carly. Who I enjoyed more than Megan Fox. I think the verdict is still out on this one, as others enjoyed Megan Fox more. Is it wrong that was bothered with how tall Rosie was versus Shia? Hell she was taller in heels than Dempsey as well. Is it wrong that I was bothered with the camera’s attempt to hide this fact? Also what’s with the need to constantly try to fool an audience into thinking a female can run in a battle torn warzone in heels? It’s gotten to the point where glaring inconsistencies are visible. I know I’m complaining about shoes here, but it just takes you out of the atmosphere of the movie when there are mistakes, like seeing her climb up Megatron in flats and then the next camera pan is her in heels. It just goes hand in hand with the absolute inconsistency this movie showed. Such moments as why the Autobots were even taking as hostages at all, or hell how they were even captured. Or why have a plot device like Optimus being caught in wires for 20 minutes just to take him out of the fight. Part of the problem with this film is it felt more end of the world, but everything was localized. Even in vision. It honestly felt like 7-10 different sets, something was filmed on those sets and then a movie was Frankensteined together. That’s why we have such abrupt cuts, like Chicago being taken over and the sudden fade to black and then spaceships descending on the city. I’ve never experienced a more WTF moment in movie watching than that scene. I literally had no idea what happened, but it’s apart of cinema which just tells the audience, hey it just happened so accept it.
One thing about Transformers is it’s ability to retcon anything and everything to create a storyline which can result in robot fights and Michael Bay explosions. But this third movie is lost in between a retcon of human history and actual events from the first two movies as well. So seemingly Dark of the Moon becomes just a movie of carrying characters over, rather than carrying events over from the first two films which would’ve made sense. Like hiding hundreds of Deceptions on the dark side of the moon, when they could’ve aided in the Fallen’s attack on Earth. Or perhaps since the Autobots were already collaborating with humans completely by the end of the second film, why the hidden mystery of their Arc on the dark of the moon. Or when exactly did Sentinel Prime collude with Megatron? If it was before leaving Cybertron, why the elaborate shooting down of the Arc ship only to coincidentally crash land on the moon? Or if it was during his stasis on the moon, why did Megatron decide to initiate the plan only after the Fallen’s demise? Even in this regard what would the space bridge have to done to stop the war on Cybertron? Even if that was a lie to the Autobots because of Sentinel Prime’s betrayal again why shoot down the Arc and have him enter stasis for five decades? I actually did like Sentinel Prime’s character, I liked him a lot. I had low expectations in this film that I didn’t even see his betrayal coming, because I assumed he would lend Optimus support in a bigger and even more menacing enemy than the Fallen. But that never happened. All we had was broken down Megatron and Optimus’ teacher. To which the entire 150 minutes on screen felt like watching a 5 parter from the animated cartoon I grew up to. Literally the movie played out exactly like that.
I still firmly believe all Michael Bay had to do was remake the animated movie for the third film. Instead of introducing more and more humans we should’ve gotten more and more Transformers. The movie could’ve been fast-forwarded some years and the integration of Transformer technology could’ve been ubiquitous in human society. Then have Sam’s role not of him trying to find a job but him helping manage Transformer/human facilities. Maybe trade up the Junkions with a human faction who pilot Transformer type ships, that way you can still have Josh Duhamel and Tyrese who are the only human side characters we recognize fighting alongside with the Autobots. It would fit in the realm of defending Earth from say… oh maybe what everyone wanted to see, Unicron. Regulate them to somewhat minor roles until they wear exo-suits to save Autobots who are about to get dropped into a melting pot to die. Still introduce Sentinel Prime, still introduce his space bridge, as it has helped in the migration of Transformers to Earth. Maybe he has a brash young apprentice in a character named Hot Rod. Early in the film instead of retconing the Moon race for a good 20-30 minutes, start of with the Autobots kicking the last bit of Decepticons off the planet, including a final battle with Megatron where Optimus, still being merciful to some extent kicks Megatron ass but spares him. The Decepticons now defeated, no Fallen to supposedly lead them wander space aimlessly until they run into Unicron in another galaxy over. Still have Megatron kicked off the spaceship maybe the Autobots sent them out in by Starscream for hilarity and nostalgia. Have Megatron, Soundwave, Shockwave and whomever else kicked off that ship. Maybe it’s decided the remaining Decepticons along with Starscream go back to Cybertron. Maybe at the time that is where Sentinel Prime is using his space bridge transporting the remaining Autobot survivors.
The key is to expand the universe and introduce more of the Transformers lore, like maybe have Sam with his link to the Prime’s from oh say the second movie, have dreams about the power of the Matrix and world ender. Have him go crazy again. So with Megatron running into Unicron he’s obviously turned into Galvatron through Unicron on the condition he destroys the Matrix of Leadership. Which again ties in Sam and the Transformers. Allow Starscream the glorious death he deserves instead of dying to a grappling hook and a bomb in the eye as Galvatron goes back to Cybertron to deal with him finally for revenge. Sentinel Prime and a group of Autobots, like that of Hot Rod, Ironhide, Bumblebee etc go off to fight this new threat, only realizing it is Megatron reborn. Instead here have Sentinel Prime die and have Hot Rod witness it, however in a final act Sentinel Prime opens up his space bridge to allow Hot Rod and a couple other Autobots to escape. Maybe Ironhide is badly damaged and dies shortly after traveling through the space bridge. Or perhaps allow Galvatron to go through the space bridge as well. There could be a moment where maybe Shockwave through his brutality dismembers Sentinel Prime, but maybe assimilates his core to allow him to control the space bridge, who knows, just write it in some manner that works. It honestly can’t be any worse than Carly talking to Megatron in Dark of the Moon about being Sentinel Prime’s bitch, when he already was the Fallen’s bitch. Anyway with Hot Rod and co now suddenly back on Earth to warn Optimus, the space bridge opens up again with Galvatron walking through. A final battle with Optimus occurs, he nearly wins but due to Hot Rod’s interference and grief of seeing his mentor die and wanting revenge himself, Optimus dies to save him. Galvatron rips out the Matrix and as per his normal betrayal he doesn’t destroy the Matrix and instills Unicron’s fury. Who now aware of Galvatron’s selfishness is on the way to deal with him personally. To which now Earth is danger.
Humanity now has long range space sensors due to Transformer technology and confirms on the outer rim of the galaxy that a large mass is coming. It confirms Sam’s crazy dreams and also him saying the Matrix is the only thing that will stop him. Cue final battle with Unicron with Autobots, humans and maybe even Decepticons at some point because they realize that Unicron is indiscriminate against all species of life. Still have Carly as Sam’s girlfriend or fiance or whatever, you can still have the Armageddon goodbye ala Liv Tyler and Ben Affleck. Maybe Unicron isn’t just sucking up robots but also humans on a moon colony. Have him transform. Have Hot Rod fulfill his role as the next Prime, to tie it in with the Bay Transformers universe and Sam’s importance even further, have both Hot Rod and Sam open the Matrix together to defeat Unicron. Don’t have Hot Rod turn into a portable trailer truck, have him be a Ferrari Italia 458 on drugs. Sam gets in Hot Rod to escape. Reunited with Carly and Bumblebee, all the Autobots and humans reflect on moving forward. Maybe even some of the remaining Decepticons defect to the Autobot side after realizing the almost devastation to Earth. Who knows or not. Hot Rod speech “till all are one” over an Optimus memorial grave. Movie is over. After credits scene is Unicron’s head flying in space somewhere.
Now obviously that all reads like a fanfic, but what in Transformers isn’t really? At this point it’s too late though, without rebooting the franchise in some manner. Undoubtedly Paramount will move on with the franchise without Bay, but with everyone dying at the end of Dark of the Moon, it’s clear his role in this franchise is over.
It’s clear to me 3D is up in the air. Using 3D cameras improved Bay’s camera work simply because it forced him to take shots from a distance and because of that we had a depth of field in some ways to actually take in the action scenes. Coupled with the slow-mo to take in things even more, Transformers 3 probably had the best action of the franchise in respect to the robots and how they were filmed. I still personally found with the supposedly 70% of this film filmed in native 3D, it felt more post-processed to me than anything else. And I think it is simply due to the inconsistency of what was filmed and what was added later on. It’s also extremely clear to me that I am done with 3D in a movie format until The Hobbit in 2012 which will have the same 48 FPS/3D experience Avatar 2 and 3 will have and/or when the next Kung Fu Panda arrives, providing it has the same creative director.
It is one thing to be post-processed, it’s another thing to be filmed in native 3D, but it’s a whole other thing to be conceived in art/creative direction in 3D and filmed natively in 3D. Transformers 3 does not do that. I’ve seen enough 3D films since Avatar’s onset to know I’m just done with it all at this point. Avatar and Kung Fu Panda 2 have been the only movies that have been worth the admission for the glasses.
At this point I don’t even know what place it has in entertainment. Theatres, home movie watching, ESPN on TV, video games. Not everything is consistent. And just one movie or game shouldn’t warrant adjusting everything you have in a home entertainment system in your home. You’ll always be left waiting and above all else paying the extra money when the 2D experience was more than fine.
I’ll still pick up Transformers 3 on blu-ray when it’s out, as it’s already been fast tracked for release in 4th quarter 2011.
